Haunted
by LilacRose23
Summary: SONG FIC Inuyasha has some time to himself to reflect on recent events, and what exactly he thinks about them.


AN: I was trying to write a scene, and I was going through my CD's trying to find the perfect song when I pulled out this CD. I haven't listened to it in ages, but I was in the mood for something dark and sad, and I heard this. It's like the first song I heard on the CD, and I think it's well- haunting. I think that it could be a good look into Inuyasha's private thoughts about Kikyo and Kagome. I know it might seem a little OOC at parts, but grin that's what's the fun part, he doesn't want us to KNOW he thinks this. winks  
  
I will say for the record, that while I am not a Kikyou hater, she is not on the top of my list of characters I like. I am of the firm belief that she doesn't belong walking around, she needs to return to the land of the dead, and leave Inuyasha and Kagome to their lives.  
  
Haunted: Lyrics by Coven 13 (Now known as Seven 13)  
  
Night was falling swiftly, I could smell the coming of the night on the wind. That might seem strange to most people, but not to me. Inuyasha- a hanyou and outcast. I lived a life that you humans couldn't possibly understand, so I won't bother to try and explain. Let's just say night has a smell, day has a smell, everything has a smell. Humans have a smell, and most of the time, it's not very pleasant. If you could smell yourselves sometimes, maybe you would take better care of yourselves. There's only a few humans that don't smell. I travel around with them, so maybe they do smell, and I've just gotten used to it.  
  
No, I can't say that honestly, but don't tell them that. Only one of them knows the truth, but she's special. Yeah, she's very special, and her smell is very special too. She smells like spices and softness, and clean. She's always taking those stupid long baths, but I don't mind. In fact that's why I was out here in the middle of the twilight, because she was taking one of those baths, with Sango and the brat. The hentai was away, so I didn't have to keep an eye on him, and it gave me time to myself, something I missed.  
  
I wandered into the forest, my forest. How ironic, they name a forest after me and I was the scariest thing in it. Inuyasha's forest. I wonder what they called it now that I wasn't a permanent resident. The soft cool grass bent underneath my feet, and I felt something brush my skin in the wind. It hummed with a familiar tune, and I looked up. A soul eater. I picked up the pace, following it into the forest, but it faded from my sight.  
  
I slowed my run, and realized where I was. It was a field in the middle of the forest, a clearing. I could see the towering branches of the Goshinboku in the distance. The wind danced through the high grass and flew up into my nose, filling it with the smell of earth, animals, and the grass itself. I knew this place, oh so very well.  
  
We danced a waltz here  
  
All round the room  
  
Just me and you  
  
Then we walked in the garden  
  
Sharing our dreams and  
  
Smelling perfume  
  
50 years ago, I had spent some of the happiest moments of my entire life in these fields, walking with her, talking with her. Discussing the things in our lives. I never had anything interesting to say, but she listened anyway, with that soft little half smile on her lips, as if it were the best thing she had ever heard.  
  
Mmmm, but it happened too quickly  
  
I blinked my eyes and you were gone  
  
Were you real or did I imagine  
  
You seemed to go with the light of the dawn  
  
Then that scream, the anger and hatred in her voice, cut through me more than her arrows ever could. I saw her up on that hilltop, her hair blowing behind her in the wind, her eyes looking down at me with pure disgust, aiming her arrows straight at me. I couldn't believe it, the woman I loved, the pure, lovely, incredibly strong woman that I let into my heart, she was betraying me. She had lied to me, as everyone had always lied to me. I threw everything to the wind, and knew what I had to do, I had to forget her, and accomplish my goal, to become a full youkai. I knew it was so easy, to steal that jewel, when she wasn't around. The stupid men of the village, they couldn't touch me with their pitiful weapons. It served them right!  
  
Another scream, this time full of betrayal and pain, and I looked up to see a blaze of light fly towards me. I expected pain, but instead ice struck my heart, a blessing in disguise, but it spread through out my body, freezing me. I felt the hard wood of the tree vanish from my back, and I stared up at her. Once again, those eyes pierced my soul. I couldn't believe she could betray me two times in a row, and this time succeed.  
  
"Ki- Kikyou -" I felt anger and hatred flood my heart, as I felt the power to move my lips leave me, "Bitch... how dare you..." Then darkness overtook me.  
  
Today I thought I saw you  
  
Why does it all seem  
  
So very strange  
  
I'm haunted by these things  
  
They drive me crazy  
  
Maybe insane  
  
I heard someone scream, and felt the ice shatter inside. I began to feel my body again, all but the spot in my heart. I felt my fingers move, and I flexed them as I opened my eyes. The wind whipped around me, and I smelled something in it, something familiar, and it send my blood into a frenzy.  
  
'She's still here,' I thought with a grin, cracking my knuckles, "I can smell her, the girl that killed me." Kikyo, I thought and waited as I heard the screams of a woman. I couldn't wait, I would get my revenge. I looked down at the damned arrow. The first thing I would do, is pin her to the tree. Yeah, that would serve her right, did she have any idea what it was like?  
  
I wasn't prepared for what came through the bushes. It smelled like Kikyou, but looked nothing like her. 'A trick' I thought. I teased her, taunted her weakness in the face of such a pathetic youkai, and then she did something that I never expected. She got in my face.  
  
It wasn't Kikyou, oh on some level they smelled the same, and they had the same fire inside, but she was younger that Kikyou had been, and she was wearing a strange and shamefully short kimono.  
  
Ka-go-me, she shouted at me. I blinked at her, surprised and curious by this strange woman. Then I found out something interesting, she had something in her possession that I wanted, the stupid jewel that had gotten me here in the first place. But here I was, tied down to the tree with no way to get it. But she solved that problem too. She pulled me free, she actually did something that I never thought possible, she broke on of Kikyo's spelled arrows. Boy, I should keep her around, that would just make Kikyou furious!  
  
My thoughts brought me back to the present time, and I realized I had walked over to the Goshinboku and stood in front of it. The night had fallen completely, and I glanced over my shoulder at the nearly invisible moon. Tomorrow I would be human, stupid new moon.  
  
Then someone smiled at me  
  
And I don't know if  
  
That's good or bad  
  
I'm haunted by these things  
  
Could it be the moon  
  
Or have I gone mad  
  
The new moon. I remember when Kagome first found out my secret, a secret that I hadn't even shared with Kikyou. I wanted to, I wanted to tell her that for one night I was what she wanted, just another human man. But I didn't want to see her face the next day, when my youkai awoke with the morning sun. I couldn't bear to see that pain in her face, as my true nature awoke. Kagome, such a strange girl full of surprises. She stood with me, the weak human that I was, and she cried for me. Even held me as I felt like I was dying. She was in danger, she could have run away, saved herself. Instead she sacrificed her safety for mine. Over and over she proved herself steadier than a rock, and more courageous than I gave her credit for. Then, came the hardest day for us both. The day that Kikyou returned to my life.  
  
I remember your kisses  
  
They were so sweet  
  
Soft on my face  
  
I still feel you in my arms  
  
Intoxicated  
  
My heart starts to race  
  
I stared that the woman before me, the creature that smelled of clay and bones and looked like the woman I loved once. The way her hair moved, the intense stare of her eyes. I couldn't move, I couldn't breathe. I didn't realize until that moment how much I had truly missed her. And her first words were filled with hate, the words that echoed in my heart even now.  
  
"Inuyasha, you betrayed me!"  
  
I saw the blood pour from her shoulder, watched as the blackness of it stained the pure white of her kimono, soaking into the dry ground. Her precious life blood, and she hated me. I couldn't tell which effected me more. I stood there, dumb as she stumbled towards me and used her miko powers to attack me. I couldn't fight back, inside it felt as if my world were crumbling before me. I had always thought she was the one who betrayed me, but now. Now, to see the one I once loved, driven by hate, it was worse than watching my mother die.  
  
mmm, every moment a lifetime  
  
And I must spend them all with you  
  
Sun embracing the shadows  
  
They all turn to dust  
  
Now what do I do  
  
She wants to take me to hell with her. I stared up at the black depth of the Goshinboku, before leaping up to the nearest branch. Inside, I felt as if I deserved it, I felt that I deserved to rot in hell, for everything I did to her, everything I had ever done to anyone. I was filthy monster, an abomination of two different people, and she was right, I had no right to be happy or to ruin the life of anyone else. I owed her that. I owed her to suffer as she must have suffered. It was only fair. But then I thought of Kagome. I could smell her in the wind now, approaching. She always knew where to find me, no matter how hard I tried to hide from her. I wonder if that meant something. I saw her skin reflecting the limited moonlight, her eyes looking up to the treetops for me, and I tried to move deeper into the shadows. Not now, I didn't want her to see me now, so deep in thought and about Kikyou. I knew it hurt her to see us together, I knew it pained her whenever I followed the soul-eaters. I wasn't as stupid as everyone thought, but I didn't know how to answer her, to look at the question in her eyes and give her the answer she deserved.  
  
Today I thought I saw you  
  
Why does it all seem  
  
So very strange  
  
I'm haunted by these things  
  
They drive me crazy  
  
Maybe insane  
  
"Inuyasha," she called to me, and I grunted. I couldn't hide any longer. She smiled faintly and looked up at me, not really seeing me, but she knew where I was.  
  
"There you are," she said softly, and settled down in the roots of the tree. The air was heavy between us before she spoke again.  
  
"Kikyou's nearby, I saw one of her pets." Her voice was a faint whisper now, and I looked down at the top of her head. "How come you haven't gone to her?"  
  
I remained mute. I couldn't believe she was asking me this. Worse, I didn't know what to say. So I did what I always do, I slipped into the pain in the ass Inuyasha that I hid behind, "Feh, why should you care what I do?"  
  
"No, I suppose you're right. It's none of my business," she sighed again, and I looked down at her. With a quick leap, I landed gracefully beside her, but she didn't even look at me.  
  
"Oy, Kagome," I began and she shook her head.  
  
"Go to her, if you want Inuyasha," she said again, and I caught the reflection of something on her cheek, something that shimmered a moment before the smell of salt and sadness reached me.  
  
"Baka," I said, and knelt behind her, wrapping my arms around her shoulders. Over the year or so that we had been traveling together, she had opened her heart to me, and taught me to open mine as well. As much as I owed Kikyou my death, I owed Kagome my life. She freed me from the tree and taught me to live again. Who did I owe the greater debt to.  
  
"I'm not an idiot," she sniffled and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, "Go ahead, before you lose her."  
  
"Do you really want me to?" I asked and felt her stiffen in my arms.  
  
"Not really," she answered honestly and I smiled. I turned her head to look at me. "That's my girl Kagome, I like you better when you're smiling." She looked at me, her eyes confused as she slowly began to smile, one of her warm genuine smiles that could pierce even the cold that Kikyou's arrow left in my heart.  
  
I held her close to my chest, feeling her breath over my shoulder as I hugged her tightly. Yes Kagome, I owe you my life, and I owe Kikyou my death. I might not know in the end who will win, but for now, I chose my life. My life to protect you, my life to hold you, and if the spirits are willing to forgive me and give me another chance, my life to love you.  
  
Then someone smiled at me  
  
And I don't know if  
  
That's good or bad  
  
I'm haunted by these things  
  
Could it be the moon  
  
Or have I gone mad  
  
From the corner of my eye, I saw the silvery blue trail streak through the sky. I knew they would be reporting back to their mistress soon. But for now, just for this moment, I had made my choice. Tomorrow would be another day, but for now I could be free from the haunting.


End file.
